In 2021, you can find a lot of adult games on Steam for under a dollar. Some are well worth it, others not so much. Let's see how well Sexy Tails and Other Puzzlingly Attractive Furry Things holds up to scrutiny.
Lately, Steam has been absolutely bursting at the seams with budget adult games. They're simple and fun puzzle games that usually borrow mechanics from mobile games, but throw some nice titties into the mix. When I saw Sexy Tails and Other Puzzlingly Attractive Furry Things, I was quite pleased. It only needed to take the basic formula from those other games, with the difference being that it would have high quality furry art. I'll start by informing you that it didn't exactly meet my expectation.
When Valve decided to allow adult games on Steam, there was a sudden burst of pornographic visual novels. Their quality was hit-or-miss due to the barrier of entry being so low, but there was still some level of effort put into them. Each one would at least have a story and usually some half decent art to go with it. Fast forward to today, an era in which developers have been honing their skill of phoning it in. In this bright new era, we welcome the latest innovation of low effort game development: taking a mobile game concept and slapping titties on it.
I'm not going to lie, I actually love many of these games. They can be a fun way to pass time, and they usually have nice art. When you consider that they are $2 at the most, it's a no-brainer. I think they're great! Being someone who occasionally dives down the furry rabbit hole, I was stoked to find Sexy Tails. The Steam page even featured art from one of my favorite furry artists, Iskra. It was an instant buy! Well, let me explain why I should have saved my dollar.
Unlike many games of this nature, Sexy Tails doesn't just have one basic minigame repeated throughout, it has four: Furryzle, Danger Teeth, Dick'n'holes, Match a Fur, and Jumpy Furry. More bang for your buck, right? Wrong. Quantity is not always better than quality.
Here, Sexy Tails give us a standard jigsaw puzzle mode. There's nothing special about it. It works fine enough, but the images are only broken into like ten pieces, so it's neither fun nor remotely challenging. You can't even rotate the pieces. It's just the barest of bare minimum.
Match a Fur:
From a gameplay standpoint, this is the best Sexy Tails has to offer. Unfortunately, it's just a simple game of memory. Flip a card, then try to find the match. Riveting.
Yes, just as the name implies, they really didn't care. In this mode you click your mouse button to make a car jump up to a new level. Make sure to time it properly so that you don't hit the driver on the floor above you! There's no time limit, the cars on the same floor as you can't collide with you, and it offers next to no challenge. It's just a waste. This was my favorite mode because I was able to complete all of the levels in about five minutes.
Now were getting into the real nitty gritty. This mode has you control a disembodied dick as you allow friendly furry mouths to land on it, while trying to avoid mouths filled with razor sharp teeth. There are also collectible stars. I don't know if the goal is to collect stars or toothless mouths. There were no instructions for any of these games, and the progress I was making seemed random. Speaking of random, are you familiar with procedural generation? Danger Teeth uses that to randomly drop these heads and stars all over the screen. It's a nightmare. It's not fun, not balanced, and since I'm not entirely sure what my goal is, it's also incredibly frustrating. All of these complaints, and I didn't even get to talk about the abysmal hit detection.
This is probably the worst minigame I've ever played. Colored dicks launch up into the sky at random, and you must catch them in the matching vagina tubes. You must click and drag your mouse to move the tubes, but there's a limit to how far you can scroll back and forth. There's no indication of what that limit is, and the dicks shoot out via procedural generation, making this the most painful and frustrating mode in the entire game. This is coupled with some of the world's worst sound design. The sound effects are so grating that they're enough to throw your game off on their own. Also, it bugged out multiple times, making the colorful vaginas disappear.
Oh right, bugs. You can't have a low effort game without bugs. Aside from the difficulty spikes created due to the reliance on procedural generation, let's mention some of the technical issues I experienced. I already mentioned the vanishing vaginas. This was my favorite bug since it forced me to quit the game, and I was offered a brief moment of solace before relaunching it. I had another issue with the CG gallery appearing over the animated title screen, and not letting me exit out of it. Again, there's not much to this game, so why is it so prone to breaking?
One of my not-so-favorite bugs was the "you didn't really win" bug. As you progress in some of these games, an image slowly reveals itself as your reward. After dealing with Sexy Tails and it's overuse of random number generators, I just barely completed a game of Dick'n'holes, only to be greeted with a game over screen. The game decided that I didn't win. Fun.
Okay, so the gameplay sucks, and it's really buggy too, but how about the lewdness factor? Well, it's not bad. Some of it is pretty excellent! However, since there are multiple artists' works used, some styles my not be to your liking. With that said, most of these artists are known for pin-ups and not sex scenes. You won't find erotic stories or anything of that nature, only single images.
Each minigame has you unlock five images and finally, an animation. Most adult games will feature a character and have the player unlock images of them wearing more and more revealing outfits, with the finale being sex. Sexy Tails is much less satisfying. The images you unlock have no semblance of cohesion whatsoever. First you'll have a pinup of some wolf girl in a bathtub, next you'll get a dog girl being tentacle raped, and the animation will be an off-screen character jamming a dildo into another furry's ass. Keep in mind, each image is from a completely different artist. It's a total mess.
"A total mess" is also how I'd describe the animations. Presented with a bland interface that does just enough in terms of functionality, you get to watch a quarter second animation loop with no sound or voice effects. Most games offer progression from pre-penetration frotting, post penetration, faster fucking, and finally an animated climax all with lewd sound effects. Sexy Tails gives you slow or fast, in silence. I'm sorry, I almost forgot. There's also a cum button. When you click it, the animation stops, the screen goes black, and you're presented with a still image that has cum drawn on it. It's a tad underwhelming.
As a rather bizarre inclusion, Sexy Tails offers a censored mode. I don't know why the developer added that, especially considering the game starts off uncensored by default. If someone really didn't want to see a screen full of dick and vag, they are forced to see it anyway when they launch the game. Who exactly is this mode for? What's the point?
Really, what's the point of this game at all? It's nothing more than repurposed art, and it sure as Hell isn't fun! While they do have permission from the original artists, Sexy Tails still feels like a stolen-asset-filled fan game you'd find on Newgrounds in 2005. Nothing original was created for this. Even the game itself links you to the Fur Affinity pages where you can access all the content they used for free. At best, I can call this thing an advertisement to show off some of their artwork an advertisement that you have to pay for the privilege of viewing.
If you're wondering about the music, the good news is that you can get the entire soundtrack directly from Kevin MacLeod's website. Were you expecting anything more than royalty free at this point? The final cherry on this turd sundae is the Steam store page itself. Not only does it show fake or outdated screenshots, but it also features artwork that doesn't appear anywhere in the game. If you needed any more reasons to believe that the team behind this game didn't care about their product, there you go.
Let's break it all down. We have a game that does not contain a single original asset. It's padded out with janky, boring minigames — perhaps with the intention of getting you past that two-hour refund window. It's all cobbled together with what seems a bare minimum effort, and it has an asking price so low that no one would bother to refund it anyway. In my opinion, it's an asset flip. We've seen other games that took on this budget nature, they offered way more, and came first. Sexy Tails has no excuses. The developers have more than enough blueprints on how to do this sort of thing properly. When you're going to set out to make this type of game, one where the sole goal is making money with minimal effort, then it says a lot when you can't be bothered to put in that minimum effort.
You can purchase Sexy Tails and Other Puzzlingly Attractive Furry Things on Steam for $0.99.
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