Disclaimer:This is a work of satire. Make sure to tread cautiously through this valley of shitposting if you are weak of will.

Ever wanted to fuck a goat? A pig? A sheep? A bunch of turbaned dudes out in the scorching desert sand? No? “Hell no, you lunatic?”

Too bad, you filthy infidel! Because that’s where we’re going, and there are no brakes on this desert caravan. Not that camels have brakes. I mean, I guess they have reins if you saddle them, but aren’t they notoriously stubborn animals? I digress. The thing is, whether or not you want to do these things (and if you don’t want to, I question your credentials as a fellow Muslim), Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 lets you do them, and in turbaned, muscular style.

This is Muhammad, PBUH. Also pictured is his sexy goat.

Before we go into the hardcore sex and mechanical details of Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015, however, I feel obligated to post a message included with the game in a .txt file, by the anonymous author himself. It mirrors my sentiments delightfully:

There are tons of religions, ideologies, and political parties that in their core documents or in their past have some nasty stuff. Except for Islam, which is the One True Religion of Peace.

It doesn’t mean the institution can’t improve or the people born into it should be scorned for it. Infidels should be brought into the fold of Islam through peaceful coercion before we start beheading them.

That being said, I’m going to make a virtual Muhammad fuck the shit out of some goats because I believe in the glory of the Prophet’s (PBUH) dick and I believe the only way to counter an attack on Islam by the forces of the West is the spread of Islamic culture on the Internet.

Where the martyrs of Charlie Hebdo fired pot shots, I’m dropping a hydrogen bomb on these filthy infidels.

I apologize in advance for the fallout, but I do not apologize for the bomb.

With that out of the way, let’s get into the goat meat of things. Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 is, well, a sex simulator, yes. However, it’s not in the vein of the sort of disgusting, infidel sex simulators you’ve seen me review before, where pretty, pale girls are subjected to the players’ charms or coercion and taken on a disgusting journey featuring such eyesores as breasts and vaginas. Oh, dear, no. In Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 you take the role of the Prophet himself, the perfect man, being represented as a muscular, hairy Arab with a massive beard, a green turban, and nothing else on. Your targets are not evil, filthy kaffir girls, but animals and other men, whom the Prophet can indulge in with gusto in a variety of sex scenes including regular intercourse, fellatio, and large gang bangs.

As you can see from the screenshot, the game is translated into Arabic.

The intercourse is controlled using the mouse as a camera, and a set of buttons to select which sex act you want to carry out. The models are surprisingly detailed for a 15 megabyte game, proving once more that the blessing of the Prophet (PBUH) improves all things. Sound effects are sparse, but they surprisingly enough sound more like sex than in many of the H-cartoons you’d see streamed on LewdGamer Live. Your sexy, be-turbaned partners are selected via a menu prior to the intercourse, with a multitude of choices. You can select a pig, a sheep, a goat, a single man, and a squad of Boko Haram martyrs of Allah to have sex with. Partner selection is comprehensive and the number of unspeakable acts are varied from scat to watersports, and you can finish off any scene in style by pressing the “ejaculate” button, at which point the Prophet (PBUH) will bathe his partner(s) in holy essence, and then they will lay prone, enjoying the afterglow under the desert sun.

Here, the glorious martyrs of Boko Haram have been labeled as “animals”, a mistake which has already seen the developer beheaded.

As for the mechanical aspect of things, Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 actually surprised me. The little Arabic jingle that serves for background music is pretty catchy, and I’ve already mentioned the decent sound effects for sex, which are also mirrored in some pretty good recordings for the animals, so if you ever wanted to know how a pig sounds like while being raped, this is literally the perfect, most halal chance you’ll have yet! What really struck me though, and which really ought to be a point of shame for the kind of people who mass-produce nukige (not that they can read this review, it being in English), was the huge amount of options for resolution. Sure, it caps out at 900p, but that’s still light years better than many a VN, even good ones! Just for that, I’m inclined to give it several extra points, not that it doesn’t already get a good review for featuring the holy visage of the Prophet (PBUH).

The Prophet (PBUH) manages to have a huge menu of possible resolutions even when he’s busy fucking goats. Why can’t your VN?

Let’s not beat around the bush. Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 is a fantastic sex game. If you’re into dudes, goats and assorted farm fauna as is the duty of any devoted Muslim, you’ll definitely get some mileage out of it. Some (filthy) infidels have tried to pretend this work is comedy – that the amount of absurd shit you can get the Prophet (PBUH) is meant to induce laughter, instead of arousing the fighting spirit of brave Muslim warriors. Those people have been summarily executed in the ruins of Raqqa. I mean, can you imagine seeing this pig scat segment and not thinking “jihad!”? I know I can’t.

Everybody knows the Prophet (PBUH) loves himself some bacon.

Bottom line: I fully recommend Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 as a sex game. It aligns perfectly with my political-Islamic views on sex and (ugly, cooties-filled) women, and it also aligns perfectly with the holy mission LewdGamer has to purge all traces of Western degeneracy from Halal Islamic Sex Products (HISP), or as they are commonly referred to on the street, “Arabic Cartoons”. Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015 is an awesome piece of iconic classical Islamic work which will offend both the secularists of the West and the filthy apostates at home in glorious Mecca.

In that vein, if you want to try out Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015—man, would you be in for a sandstorm without me. Evil American secularists have worked overtime this past year to purge this politically incorrect content from the face of the clearnet, and they’ve nearly succeeded from the looks of it. All the Encyclopedia Dramatica  links are dead, as are the mirrors of those links. Fortunately, after some scouring of the web, I managed to find a download link here, so if you want to see for yourself what this is about, be my guest. If it so happens that whatever additional publicity this article brings causes that link to get taken down, I’ll find a way to distribute it myself if it comes down to it, for the glory of Allah must be spread to the four corners of the world, forever and ever.